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Session A65:“Okay Mom: hypothetical.”Almost everything was ready. I was only a few sessions away from testing the “sex with a brother and sister was normal” scenario with Marcie, Lucy was all set to become the sex slave I’d been fantasizing she’d be for so, so long... It was all going to plan. Except, of course, for my mother.“Lucy’s door is closed.”Nod.Only hooking up with my sister while my mother wasn’t around ... well, I mean, obviously that sounded amazing, but I didn’t want to stop there. I wanted constant, unfettered access to my sister’s body.“You need to talk to her.”Nod.“What do you do?”“I ... I wait until a better time.”I smiled.“Why?”“Because I don’t want to interrupt.”Great.Session B50:“Marcie, can you hear me?”No response.“Marcie ... would you tell me what’s wrong?”That had worked with Mom, but Marcie didn’t even acknowledge that I’d said anything.Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck had happened?I tried asking Marcie a few more questions, but she didn’t say anything. And that’s. It would serve me right if it is merely amusement for you. I loved you with every ounce of my being, from the very moment we became girlfriend and boyfriend as kids. Perhaps it’s biological. Perhaps women can never really shut off that part of us that longs for our first true loves. I’ve had two or three loves since then, but they were easily wiped out of my mind in time. You have been branded into my soul in a way that I don’t understand. If this was 1998, and I was merely engaged, I could throw everything away that I had at the time. I would take the risk. I would shed myself of everything for one more chance with you. A part of me wants to smack me for feeling this way. I linger over the sensation that I can still trust you with my whole being, and the sensation that it is the right thing to do. I am living a lie. Everyday that goes by, I know that I have only hastily tried to patch my world together and keep moving forward, but that I am carrying a flame for someone else. Even if.
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