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You’re only paying me £20, what did you expect? I’ll never know why I said my next line, but it certainly came back to haunt me: “I might not be Mr fucking Muscles, but I’m massive where it counts!” I said, cupping my thankfully already padded crotch. Her eyebrows raised, and I heard the door bolt draw back. The door clanked open and I stepped into the dark corridor. She gestured down the corridor: “You’ll get ready in the gents. Its ladies night tonight so you’ll be the only bloke in here, except for Danny. I’m Maureen, by the way.” I smiled, and Maureen winked back so slowly I thoughtshe was having a stroke. The toilets were exactly as I expected. Freezing cold, dirty and stinking of piss. I went into a cubicle and started to prepare my act. Through the door I could hear the hideous cackling of chav women as the audience started to arrive, and I velcro’d on my bow tie with shaking fingers. The roll of football socks (my substitute dick) were secured over my penis and balls with. Did poke my head under the shower, already feeling I am flagging, pace yourself you had told me and that wasn’t what appeared to be happening, all I felt I could do was sit back and enjoy the ride, so off we set for our night out. She fancied Asian I had been told when arranging the booking so go online and find Gordon Ramsey has an Asian restaurant in Mayfair, since we blowing the budget booked it. Arrived with her falling out of the taxi, got her heel stuck through the silly dress, just as this guy in uniform steps out to hold the door for us, was that sort of posh place, she is giggling so much, oh didn’t mention she found from somewhere a joke top hat white with sparkles, so our arrival hardly inconspicuous, what did I say about blending in. Sorry sir your table isn’t ready yet would you like to wait in the bar, so what a pity more cocktails ….. the hat was careful placed in the cloakroom luckilyWe get to the table presented with a whole book for the wine list and a menu I cant.
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