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Dad had already paid for all of it. He told me that the sales person had probably offered a viewing at the funeral home in the package, but that since it wasn’t in the contract, Dad probably didn’t want it.I told him that since my Dad was of Irish descent, he might appreciate an old-fashioned drunken wake- most likely at the AmVets where he belonged. “Can you get in touch with them?” I asked. “They can put the drinks on my credit card.”“As a matter of a fact, I’m a member of the local post,” he told me. “I’ll arrange it myself; there won’t be any charge.”“Since I spoke with you, Guy, I went ahead and got in touch with Monsignor Silos at the Cathedral to schedule your Dad’s funeral service,” he said. “If you approve, the services will be held next Wednesday, at 10 a.m. I’ve arranged for his burial immediately after the service- probably around Noon.”“Thanks,” I said. “I appreciate it.”He said he would be in touch with the Post Commander at AmVets and arrange for a wake at 6. "Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT.
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