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I cried for what seemed like days. My mom is my best friend and luckily, had been there for me throughout each and every feeling I’d had.In that moment, I knew I had to come out. When we got home, I went straight to my room. I closed the door, sat on the floor in the corner by my bed, and I started crying. My anger switched to fear. I started calling different friends, hoping I'd hear something that would give me the courage to come out to my family. One of my friends had come out a few months prior, and her family disowned her. I was on the phone with her, trying to keep my voice together, and she told me it would be OK. As I heard my siblings getting ready to leave for their friends' houses, I knew my window of opportunity was closing. That was the moment. I hung up the phone, opened my bedroom door, walked down the hallway into the kitchen with my head down, and started crying. All my anger left. All my fear left. I felt exhausted, defeated, and vulnerable. In between sobs, I. An elixir sprinkled on your eyelids and left to tingle, shooting quicksilver deep into the eddies of your brain. And so it goes. A few nights suffice before I’m up to three am. I can hold that pattern for a couple of weeks, but then inevitably 3 turns to 4, and soon there’s that same perky morning light creeping up behind the blinds. A stern greybeard Apollo glaring in judgment. Probably it’s Jehovah, in fact. Old bastard. Then I’ll be up till noon. Soon enough. But for now, I’m still konking out by 3. Not for long though, I have too little to keep me occupied. **** I’m a creative writing student. I’m the kooky chick. I don’t like my school, or this town. I came here to get away. At a sufficient distance my parents won’t bother to nose around. The electronic tether isn’t too tight: texting is an alien concept to mom, let alone the language of it. As for my father, to him language itself is an alien concept. I have money to blow. I’m not ashamed of it. Not obscenely rich, but I can.
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