My mother taught me HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"Bet these announcers wish they hadn't said it.1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been. ” Mom said as she “I know what’s different” and she slid further down on the couch and her night gown shifted a little higher on her thighs. I kept willing my eyes not to leave her face and wander down to her crotch, as she closed hers and began fake snoring.“Can you see okay?” she muttered between fake snores and whistles.“What?” I asked.“I said, can you see okay?” she asked again.“Huh?”I answered but stayed frozen with my hand on the dial,“why are you pretending to be asleep?” I asked in my most innocent voice hoping beyond hope she could be convinced she had the wrong idea and I could lie my way out of it. Mom sat up on the couch, “look buster, I”m not going to keep up this game. I know what you like to do, looking up my nightgown and peeking into the bathroom!”I must have turned six shades of red as she stated the truth. “I’m sorry mom..” I whispered in my most contrite voice.“Pull your pants down!” she commanded, and without hesitation I did as I was told, letting them fall.
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