We walked downstairs and got on the bike. As we pulled out of the drive way, I felt the bike roar to life vibrating under me causing tingling sensations to run through my body. We rode until we found a spot on top of a hill that looked out across the city, we took our helmets off and sat on the grass. I felt nervous, I had never really been alone with Paul until now. The stars were above us and the sun had faded by the time we got back on the bike, we had spoken about pretty much everything. I had these feelings that I hadn’t felt before, not even with Kane. I also felt very turned on. When we returned to the house, we changed and went into the bedroom where Suzanna was in bed watching a film, we both joined her. After a while I felt a hand on my breast, it was Suzanna’s she began to remove my bra.“What are you doing?” I questioned She smiled “ I’m letting you join in”I looked behind her to see Paul was half dressed and so was Suzanna, apparently I had missed them starting to have. It tore from me like the wing of bird, disabling my flight through the azure dawn of existence. I felt that when I was crying my tears were made of glass because they hurt as they came out razor edges carving bloody scars down my cheeks dropping like bullets onto my heaving chest, dividing lines around my heart, stilling my flowing stream of consciousness into a stagnant pool of sharp edged and bitter regret. My whole being became pain. I was a soul writhing in a sea of boiling agony and I screamed like a wolf that howls in mourning. I screamed like a bird that soars across the horizon. And all eyes were on me and I was dying in the pain that engulfed me and swallowed me whole. If only I could die I would be happy. Laying eyes on my son erased the pain and closed the wounds on my face and body, it breathed new life into me and assured me that our souls are real, and that our pain however intolerable is fleeting and not in vain. I was afraid to touch him as if he were made out of.
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