I'm sorry, but we have to do something. I don't want to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders wondering when Sammi is going to try to kill herself again. We might not be able to reach her in time the next time." I closed my eyes again. When I opened them, Megan was looking at me as if I was nuts. The other girls didn't look too happy with me either. I really didn't care at that moment.Megan bandaged my hand and gave me some pain pills and antibiotics. She had to look around the house to find either. For obvious reasons, we didn't have the need for those things very often. I then asked her to help me into the bedroom where Sammi was sleeping. I laid down next to her and put my arms around her, holding her close. Megan shook her head and left us together. I was still holding Sammi when I fell asleep.When I woke up later, I had a splitting headache, probably from the blood loss and the pain in my hand. My arm was also wet, making me wonder if my hand was bleeding again. But I wasnt thinking about that. I went to the dressing room, and sat ona bench, trying to collect my thoughts.Something had happened to me out there. At some point I stopped playingthe role of a girl.And found one inside of me.And I didn't want to give her up, to go back to being a boy.So I did the hardest thing I could do, and told Kate, our coach, andfinally, my folks.And pretty soon I'd retired from skating to pursue a transition.I knew early on that there would be no way for me to skate competitively.My home country of Canada might be pretty progressive, but the biggestpower in skating is Russia, and to say they arent on board when it comesto LGBT people is putting it mildly.I missed it, but I missed Kate more. Even though she supported me, andcalled me often, she still had dreams of making it to the podium as askater, which meant she had to spend a lot of time training andcompeting.But then Kurt Browning, one of the best skaters ever, came to me, andasked if I'd be interested in.
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