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You don’t need a lot more than that. FROM: Katie Olson TO: Laura Daniels He never noticed me before. FROM: Laura Daniels TO: Katie Olson That was then, this is now. Go get him, you sexy beast. FROM: Paul Mason TO: Mike Olson Hey, Mike, just so you know, I called Katherine and I’m picking her up from your place for dinner Saturday night. FROM: Mike Olson TO: Paul Mason She better be home on time and no worse for wear. FROM: Paul Mason TO: Mike Olson It’s dinner, man. What do you think I am, a serial killer? FROM: Mike Olson TO: Paul Mason I think you’ve got the hots for my sister. FROM: Paul Mason TO: Mike Olson I’d be a liar if I denied that but I don’t abuse women. FROM: Mike Olson TO: Paul Mason Not that I’ve known of. Still, she means the world to me. After our parents died she’s all I have left. Hurt her and I’ll stop at nothing. FROM: Paul Mason TO: Mike Olson You’re scaring me a little, dude, but I swear I’m not out to take advantage. A dinner is all it is. I. Other guys stay away: I’ve claimed exclusive access to this vagina.”“Really? So tell me…” She lifted her head and a view of her tits rose up like two supermoons over a barren landscape. “Have I been marked? Has someone claimed this particular vajajay?”“Hmm,” he said, and sniffed. “Can’t tell. All right, new theory then. Maybe it’s gay panic. If any man likes semen, then he must be gay. And that puts him in a bind, you see, because he produces the stuff. It comes out of him on the regular, but if he shows the slightest interest in it, then he’s queer, right?”“’Queer’ has a different meaning nowadays. I’ll send you some links to read up on it.”“My point is, he is obsessed, absolutely obsessed with ways to get this stuff out of him, and the second it comes out he’s got to get rid of it, lest it look like he’s anything but a full-blooded heterosexual. Anywhere will do. In a tissue, in a sock, in a carefully prepared cantaloupe.”“Joe, fucking ick.”He shrugged. “So the heterosexual male’s.
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