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--'Stir but a step, ' said they, 'and you are a dead man.'--'Why should you threaten me with death, ' cried I, 'when I have already declared my innocence?'--'Tush, tush, ' cried the men; 'keep your innocent stories to tell to the judge at Nimes. Meanwhile, come along with us; and the best advice we can give you is to do so unresistingly.' Alas, resistance was far from my thoughts. I was utterly overpowered by surprise and terror; and without a word I suffered myself to be handcuffed and tied to a horse's tail, and thus they took me to Nimes."I had been tracked by a customs-officer, who had lost sight of me near the tavern; feeling certain that I intended to pass the night there, he had returned to summon his comrades, who just arrived in time to hear the report of the pistol, and to take me in the midst of such circumstantial proofs of my guilt as rendered all hopes of proving my innocence utterly futile. One only chance was left me, that of beseeching the magistrate before whom I was. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or Plastic?” I just say, “Doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.” Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a blank look.I was recently asked if I tweet.I answered, “No, but I do fart a lot.”P.S. I know some of you are not over 60.I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.We senior citizens don’t need anymore gadgets.The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.Garage DoorThe boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage.
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