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"I'm okay...we were having a few problems anyway I guess," she continued to sob, giving in to the unsolicited comfort she was receiving. It felt good. Perhaps this woman wasn't such a whore after all."Come inside and have some coffee and gather yourself," she said taking her by the hand into the kitchen. She sat Amber at the kitchen table and started to make some fresh coffee. She quickly set the machine to brew a fresh pot of Kona, continuing to console her and tell her that things would get better before sitting down at the table across from Amber. "The truth is Amber, I was jealous of what the two of you had and again I'm so sorry for that, but you are so pretty and I felt attracted to you...I acted like a jealous bitch...I'm sorry." She paused a moment, her heart pounding. This was the decisive moment. She was going for broke."Wha...at?" the little blond asked eyes wide with shock? "What the fuck?" she asked holding Kendra's gaze her blue eyes wide in amazement at what she had. I was raised to be astrong man, a strong heterosexual man. We don't have these urges. It'snot for us. It's for the fags. I couldn't have raised one. I figuredthat even if my son liked girls, he'd never get one if he put on askirt. He'd just fall into the gay circle. I had to put a stop to itbefore he turned gay, just like my parents did for me.When I was a kid, I was attracted to girls. Too attracted it seemed attimes. I wanted to be there boyfriend, but I wanted to be like them. Imimicked some of the girl's I liked. They would give me quick verbalpotshots about it, but smiles followed. I guess we were too young torealize the full significance of what I was trying to do.My father put a stop to that. I knew I had taken it too far when hecaught me in my twin sister's clothes on one of our vacations. I canstill see the disapproval in his eyes. I can still feel the horrifiedway I felt at that moment. It was the moment that I realized that myurges were not just unusual, they were wrong..
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