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I knew how he felt about you. Iknew he loved you then and I could tell you had feelings for him too,but by that point it was too late. I was afraid of not only how you'dreact, but selfishly I was worried about losing you as a friend. You'remy best friend sis. I know it doesn't excuse what I did and I know I'mwrong. All I can say is I'm so very sorry."I jumped up still full of anger. I knew if I didn't do something I'dend up hitting Jane so I walked over to the corner and picked up asmall cabinet with the intentions of throwing it across the room. Assoon as I lifted it I knew I had made a big mistake because the pain inmy abdomen was intense.I screamed before falling to the floor and passing out.When I came too Jane was in the floor with me and had my head in herlap rocking back forth while keeping a cold rag pressed against myforehead. She was near hysterics as she kept saying. "I'm sorry sis.I'm so sorry. I'll never keep his secrets for him again I swear. Justwake up. Don't be mad. " Yes, of course I have a journal – hypertext – linked, so I can backtrack on interesting thoughts and experiences. And of course Tina's all over the place, as is everybody else in my life. I can even tell Bot-bot to put something in the journal for me so I can go back later and fill in the gaps.Okay, part of it is a learning curve. I'm used to bouncing through the door and talking to Dad or Tina in a normal tone. Well, if I'm excited, it might be just a bit louder than a normal tone. Now, I enter quietly, respecting that little Kathy is not going to react well to exuberant sounds, no matter how well-intended and justified.Tina breast-feeds. Susan breast-feeds. Jo breast-feeds. I have NOT come into the room making mooing sounds. I love my Tina-mom and my aunts and that's just disrespectful. I admit that there was a bit of culture shock at first. I'd seen breast-feeding moms before, but never up close. Now I sit right next to a nursing mommy and pat the baby on the head and provide the.
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