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What must it be like? An older woman, locked in that thing? I couldn’t help but wank at the thought, imagining the whole scene being acted out. For several days this went on, the thoughts just getting more and more vivid, until I realised what I had to do, and hang the consequences. I just had to ring her!“Hello, Joan speaking”“Hi Joan, it’s Rob. I forgot to arrange a date, I mean day for gardening this week.”“Hi Rob, I thought I had scared you away for good, what with the pussy trainer, but yes next friday would be good at the same time.”“Ok, Friday at 2.00.” I hesitated.“Was there anything else you wanted to say, Rob?”“ Umm! Well yes. I was wondering…”“Wondering what Rob?”“The pussy trainer. I was wondering if you would give me a real demonstration of how it works. Hands on so to speak.”“Oh, Rob! I am shocked! How dare you!”“I’m sorry Joan, please forgive me. It was just so interesting. Sorry, sorry, sorry!”I could hear laughing.“Oh Rob, you are so naughty! Of course I will show. Cannot ever completely be mine.I fight the feelings of loneliness in my own head. I bottle them and wait for them to set me on fire from the inside. Sometimes I unleash them onto you. usually as I sit, sleepless and desperate in a parking lot. I pour my feelings out to you. knowing you have no answers. Just needing to tell someone other than my journal. And getting less than lukewarm responses in return. The same unsolvable problems that plague us.You leave me aching like no one else in so many ways. My body aches from long tender loving nights. My soul aches knowing you are without me and unhappy. My only cure for this is to turn these aches into passions. I long for you and instead of falling into the deep abyss of reality, I plan for the next time we are together. Instead of sobbing and yearning for your hands on me, I use my own.Reality isn’t so hard to face when you cut off feelings altogether. But this is a dangerous path. It can help you overcome the loneliness you feel but.
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