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I didn’t want to fight about it. My sister needs the help FAR more than I do. I’m even more convinced of that after the trip.”“Why?”“Because she’s still fixated on me. Still locked in. I think it’s why she’s never had a healthy relationship with anyone else.”“Or you, Tiger,” Jessica said, but this time gently.“I won’t debate you on that; I’ll just say it’s not as simple as that.”“Nothing is simple about the entire situation. Ed knows all about it?”“Yes. And I think if she has ANY chance of a healthy relationship, it’s with him. He knows, and he’s worked through it. He’s decided she’s worth the struggles they’re going to go through.”“So she told Doctor Mercer she still sees you that way?”“Yes. She told her that she wanted to marry me, have my children, and live happily ever after together. And that deep down, she still wants that, even though she knows it’s impossible. The problem is, she DOESN’T know that. Not even close.”“What makes you say that?”We were at an inflection point where. The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had.
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