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Probably the worst aspect of this for me was the fact that I no longer could count on any comfort whatsoever from Paul’s body. His withdrawal from me was absolute, total, so that even on the few nights that he deigned to sleep with me in the apartment, he simply flopped himself into bed and rolled over to face the wall. Nothing I did could revive or encourage him in any way, when I touched him, I could feel his body turn to stone, a rigidity so complete as to be positively frightening. After a few nights of this, interspersed with those terrifying long absences, I even found myself wishing that he were the type of man who could simply objectify women, take advantage of them, use them for their bodies alone, and that he would coldly ravage me, impale me on the sword of his mysterious anger. Never have I come so dangerously close to losing my integrity, the pride and confidence that have kept me alive and triumphant even in life and death situations. Never before had I been so willing. It was tight all over. His chest stuck outlike enormous melons. It was tight in the rear end and around theknees. The bottom was so tight all he could do is take very shortsteps. He put he matching red shoes on. They had six-inch heelsand it was next to impossible to walk in them. It took him almost fifteen minutes to get to the kitchen. He gothis usual cup of coffee and thought the dress would split when hesat down. He was just getting up to get another cup when Lindawalked in. She smiled when she saw the difficulty he was havingwalking. She said, "In that outfit you would make a good hooker. Maybe weshould make that your job, now that you are unemployed. What do youthink? Do you think you would make a good hooker?" He asked, "What do you mean-unemployed?" Linda said, "Well the one paper you signed last night named me aspresident of the company. So now you are out of a job. You can makea good hooker, you know." He said, "Why didn't you tell me what those papers were? Are.
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