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You’re not in any kind of trouble are you?”“Oh, No Sir. It’s not me that’s in trouble, but I thought you should know what I learned today about another man in our county. I’ll tell you all about it when I see you. Have a good night, and tell Ms. Skelley goodnight for me too. You’re a very lucky man, Judge Skelley.”“Thank you, Josey. I’ll tell her what you said. See you tomorrow.”‘Yeah, and you’ll wish you never heard of me, when I tell you the good news about your sorry-ass son’I put the phone back on the night table and told them, “We’ll have two more of my friends here around 10:00 tonight. I want them sleeping in this bed, with us for as long as they’re here. I’m not sure what all has happened, but they may live here from now on.“Naomi, you and Emmylou met both of them at the wedding down there. Jillian was getting married, and Josalyn is her sister. I want y’all to make them feel welcome and right at home here.”“I remember them, Josey. They are so pretty and both of them treated. Then the most surprising of all, was the eleven retirement homes!”All the elves just stood in silence.Using air-quotes, “There were all kinds of “Girls” waiting on me! Love sick teenagers, neglected house wives, widows, retirees, librarians, school teachers, executives, elected officials, fitness trainers, and, I might also add, there were 23 Dominatrix's! I even stopped at a couple of places that were having a swinger's Christmas party!”The programming elf is now more frightened by every detail Santa relates to him.“I have had sex in every imaginable position tonight!” Then, counting down on his fingers, “Missionary! Doggy Style! Cowgirl! And, a few I had never imagined!”A cold sweat breaks out on the elf's forehead.“Oh, yes,” Santa raising his finger with a new thought, “I do believe I picked enough cherries tonight to make several pies!”Quivering, the elf becomes apologetic, “I am so sorry Santa. I had no idea.”“Do you know how many times I had to change into Johnny Depp during.
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