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“She looks awful! No one’s gonna want to fuck something looking like that – oops, sorry, F-word. And who’s the Asian in the pyjamas?”“I think he’s the priest – Father Ambrose. I think he might be Goan…”“What the fuck’s that mean – goin’? Anyway, they all look the same to me… Hey, is it true that if you go to confession you can get your throat fucked by the priest? That must be – oh fuck, sorry, there I go again – oops, oh fuck, I just can’t stop saying…”“SHUT THE FUCK UP, CLAIRE!” Alison whispered, but louder than she meant to. A few heads turned in the front pews. “Sorry…” Alison mouthed apologetically to the congregation. Eva and Rob noticed, turned, grinned and waved at their friends, as the chapel slowly filled with mourners.Alison had never been to a non-fucking church service before – but she had at least been to church, and so knew to follow along with what everyone else was doing and copy their behaviour. Claire, on the other hand, was finding it very difficult. They were. I hope your brothers and —”“No, Mummy, they were defending me, telling our cousins off for being cruel and nasty.”“Good, I know you’ve always protected them Robbie, even though you were the last egg to hatch, you’ve always been like a big brother to them.”“Well, Mum, although we squabble over the odd caterpillar, I love all my brothers and sisters. Look, there’s a good nesting site just a foot above our nest in the old tree stump. I scouted it out this morning. Can we meet there?”“Of course.”They landed at the crack in the tree stump above the blue tit nest and Mrs Blue Tit called out for Mr Blue Tit to come upstairs.“It’s really roomy in here,” Mr Blue Tit said when he flew up.“And the view’s better,” Robbie said a little embarrassed, his red breast getting redder. “Maybe when I get a girlfriend ... my cousin May keeps bumping into me and passed me half a grub at school dinners.”“Aah,” Mr Blue Tit coughed, cleared his throat. “That’s why we wanted to have this little chat about your.
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