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"I don't know what I'm doing."I was telling him the truth, we both were, and I honestly didn't know if I was with him because I wanted to be, or if it was because I had no place else to go. I couldn't forgive myself for what I'd done and that was what he was trying to offer me. Seth wanted to love me, I thought. He'd said everything but that and his voice dripped with the desire to express his feelings. He'd forgive me for what I'd let him do to me. Seth would even take the responsibility, all of it ... if I let him.I'd known him for a single night and what did I feel now? Warm and safe, comfortable enough to be honest. I had no fear of him. Did I love him? I didn't know and somehow that seemed worse. His words thrilled me, like fingers stroking my wounded heart. Seth's voice was soothing and necessary, it was a moment unlike any other in my experience, laying on his bed and imagining a perfect night and lamenting its loss. He was pushing my guilt away and yet I clung to it as if it. My boyish outrage settled into grim acceptance of my temporary girlhood. At least I wasn't wearing skirts! The only problem we faced was the growing urbanization as we neared New York City. There was less and less open space and thus less place to safely camp. The people grew less friendly and we began to fear the looks some of the older men gave us. The memory of the fate of the oldest Reese girl kept me wary. Thankfully at the time we really didn't know about sexual predators and how much danger we were in. Now those memories make me shudder. In the city of Stamford we began to see the gangs. I knew we'd never make it through New York. I led the girls to the bus station. Checking their rates I discovered I could get us tickets to New Brunswick, New Jersey with $20.00 left over. The only down side was we'd have to make a transfer and one hour layover at the New York Port Authority Bus Terminal. I hoped New Brunswick would take us out of the dangerous urban sprawl of New.
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