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I can’t breathe. Everything’s cold. I run my hands up my arms, looking for the raised little bumps from a needle, breathe out raspy relief when I don’t find any. The girl’s smile still remains though, taunting. I grimace and squeeze my eyes shut.I'm crazy.Five years. Can you really lose that much of yourself?Rhetorical.I know all about both prison experiments and prison realities. My boy Zimbardo showed what happens even to those claiming to be good people. And there aren’t many of those to begin with. Real ones I mean.It doesn’t take much though. For damn sure. What? You surprised? Thought I wouldn’t know him? Oh, I know his work, have experienced it firsthand. Prison creates roles to be filled, man. And you change yourself to fit into them. And it’s real fluid-like that change. Like diving into water.The train jolts slightly as it pulls into the platform and I’m… back… eyes opening slowly. The whispers have picked up again, louder, more frenetic.I realize three things in that. My wife was always very responsive in bed so I never had cause to be anything but satisfied with our sex life. Still, the idea of another man touching her intimately turned me on in ways I can’t describe.As her business trips became more frequent, I could tell when she got back that she was horny. I wasn’t sure why, but I tried to encourage her to do more of whatever it was that was causing her arousal. When we were having our sex fantasies, I told her it would be okay to fuck some guy on one of her trips if she told me about it. I told her it made me feel sexy when I thought about her doing it with a stranger. She responded with a loud, vigorous orgasm, but afterwards she seemed so distant and disinterested that I never knew if she took me seriously.On a particularly hot July weekend, she had to go to Miami Beach for a three day conference. When she got back I could tell she was different. My wife seemed more self-confident, a little more assertive. When we had sex that night she.
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