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2. You will pause and second guess your decision at the door. I chickened out a few times after agreeing online, and I even drove to a house, chickened out and drove away, before finally allowing the inevitable to become a 'fait accompli'). When you pause, take a deep breath, accept that you have to find out once and for all, and then walk inside... once you get into the room your natural inner cocksucker will take control, problem over.I too paused.I took a deep breath.I paused once more and before I could summon back up all the reasons this was a bad idea, I pushed my way past the slightly opened door.He said, "Come here."I did.Nervous as hell.Excited as hell.When you're in your forties it's tough to have new experiences, to be nervous and excited at the same time (it happens when you first have sex, when you first get a job and when you first decide to become a parent... but then these defining moments, these releases from prevarication, become few and far between).He was already. We walk only for a little way before he turns down a side street and pulls me with him. He stops in front of an industrial looking brick building. I'm confused. What are we doing here? Maybe I shouldn't trust him like I do. Maybe I'm not safe. I let go of his hand and take a few steps back. As if he senses my trepidation he answers my unspoken question. "I have an apartment above my garage. This is the backdoor," nodding his head towards the building. I relax again. We stand there: him looking down at me, me feeling a bit awkward. What is he waiting for? Has he changed his mind about this? Then something passes through his eyes that I can't decipher. Like he's made a decision about something that I can't even begin to comprehend. His demeanor changes and suddenly there is something predatory about him. He steps closer and stops just in front of me. "You know you can say stop at any time, don't you?" At my whispered, "Yes, I know," he grabs my wrists, pulling my hands above my.
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