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I was of course dressed as Mark, so I wondered why Gloria wouldaddress me as a girl? I guess after seeing the ad, I could hardly beaddressed as a boy, I was beautiful.We dressed, Cindy in her jeans and me in my shorts and a T-shirt. Ilooked like a scruffy girl or a typical boy, but it was summer time andit was expected. We arrived at the market and headed straight to the magazine section andstarted looking at the latest issues of teen and women's publications. Iwas in every one of them, some featuring me in the most looked at partand others not so prominently placed such as Vogue, but I was there. WhenI looked at myself it was as though I was seeing someone else altogether.I was Mark James, and all I saw was an absolutely gorgeous girl namedAmanda Flowers. Looking at my face I could see why Lush had wanted me fortheir model, I just couldn't relate to me being that girl.Gloria bought all the magazines with my picture in them. It cost her afortune."We need to see what they did with. Elizabeth, just think of me every once in a while."A moment of silence."I wish you the best of luck Ray. I think you are the right path. Good bye."The click hurt his ear. It stretched the limits of his ear drum. Ray hated good byes. He wanted to cry. He wasn't good at crying. He learned to not cry by teachers who were masters of the subject. He wondered if it would help. Would it help to relieve this pressure on his shoulders, the tightness in his throat? His eyes felt heavy and dry. They were always so dry.Saying goodbye to Liz was a road disappearing. It was an end of a "What could have been?" He didn't want to think in terms of regrets. Ray felt guilty at the thought. That made him mad. He had nothing to feel guilty about. Dreams of another woman do not measure up against Dana's affair. She wasn't worthy enough at this point. Ray didn't know if therapy was going to work for them. Dana would always be serving a penance that may never be fulfilled. She was to be punished forever..
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