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You’re an old fart. You have to pay for it.” “Hey, ease up man. I know what I’m doing and I’m no fire plug like you.” “Yeah, Shorty,” said Aron. “If I was as ugly as you I’d kill myself.” “Fuck you man! What ugly chick are you screwing now, a total three bagger? You got no taste man.” “Huh.” They all stood and glared at each other for moments and then finally turned to confront me.“What?”“Okay, did you - or did you not - get laid last night?” “I don’t know. I was so drunk. I passed out.”“Alright,” said Wally. “Let’s hear it, all of it. I’m paying you by the hour and I want to hear the whole story. Are you telling us after all we have heard YOU are still a virgin?” They all started laughing and I just hung my head in shame.“Okay, alright.” I took a moment to gather my thoughts.“Siza told me this morning I didn’t get laid last night. I don’t know other than that. She dared me in the afternoon right over there because I blew it. I admitted I was a virgin.” I looked up at them and then. “SING!”I turned to the band, which was already playing the lead-in, or rather the first bar over and over again. Well, here goes:“Hit it.”If I were a rich man, Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.If I were a wealthy man.I wouldn’t have to work hard.Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.If I were a biddy biddy rich, Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle man.Yes, indeed: Oleg had picked ‘If I Were A Rich Man’, from the 1964 musical. I didn’t know the words verbatim, but well enough to get by with the occasional glance at the iPad. There’s only one song that’s MORE Jewish, and that’s Hava Nagila. So obviously it’s ideal for a ship filled with Arabs, in the middle of the Gulf. Or actually about five miles away from the Dubai shore line, as we were headed back. But as with so many songs: the audience didn’t understand half of it. It’s like when people think ‘99 Luftballons’ is about balloons, or REM’s ‘The One I Love’ is a love song. Like a bunch.
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