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Kristy was everything to me. She was the first girl I fell in love with. She was the first girl I pictured in a white wedding dress. I can still picture Kristy in my mind like it was yesterday. For me Kristy will always be sixteen and she will always be beautiful. So what was my “If only” you want to know. Well her name was Eva-Jane. The “If only” in life lies scattered everywhere. If only I had done this instead of that. If only I had left the house five minutes later. If only I had bought Google instead of Citibank. If only I had kept my mouth shut. If only I had been born rich. You get it right? Pretty much everyone has his or her own “If only” list. For most of us the list is pretty fucking long. At sixteen we all dream of our first love and I was like that. I daydreamed all the time, especially about sex and love. I went to a large public high school in Ottawa, Canada. Frankly for me the start of grade nine was murder. But I dreamed of happiness “if only” I could be with Kristy. The overcast looked no more than one foot above my head now and looked like a pregnant blanket. It was moments away from being dark. Lights came and went in the swirling snow; I could just make out the building across the street, another motel, and another down the road. Street lights illuminated millions of snowflakes. Chad was right; it was dangerous out tonight.I closed the drapes and removed my coat and draped it over a chair back to dry. Then I called Nick."So, how's West Virginia?" he asked cheerily."Depressing," I answered in a grumble. "I wanna come home." Think you'll have a meeting in the morning?" I don't know how," I admitted, imagining the snow through the closed drapes. I undid the buttons on my shirt and let the front fall open. I scratched idly at the rim of my right cup where it lay against my skin. The bra was new, washed only once, and not yet broken in. I imagined Chad's fingertips sliding the shirt back over my shoulders, and sliding it down and off my arms. The.
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