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Do you think you can take all the emotional burden on yourself to spare other people?”“I’d rather me be hurt than them.”“It doesn’t work that way. Even if you don’t try to create an emotional attachment with someone, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Let me ask you this - when Birgit was keeping you at arm’s length, did she hurt you?”I wanted to say no, but Melanie knew better. “Yes. It hurt.”“And? Think it through.”“She hurt me by trying to avoid hurting me.”“Exactly.”We reached her house and walked in. I put my stuff down and collapsed on the couch. Melanie went and got me a Coke and we sat there in silence for several minutes.Melanie had hit the nail on the head. Everything I did to try to avoid hurting someone had the potential for doing exactly the thing I was trying to avoid. How could I resolve this? Was life destined to be like this? Hurting people you love even if you didn’t mean to and perhaps even if you did nothing wrong?Now I understood the guys who treated girls like. Attached them to a pair of flat knit black RHT Nylons (which I have a fetish for) & donned a pink pair of sissy panties with tons of black lace all around. Full makeup with my false showgirl eyelashes & very heavy eye makeup. My nails were polished & plenty of girly rings, bracelets etc. A spritz of perfume. Then my street clothes. I go to an adult bookstore & the clerks don't care at all what you wear. They are always pleasant. Also wore a pair of 3 inch black pumps. So I get my tokens & enter the booth area. So I'm cruising the booths looking at the movie menus. Several guys doing the same. Now these booths have glory holes but also glass which clears when both booths press a button enabling each to see one another. Another guy enters the area & he's a tall handsome light skinned black man. He's wearing a pair of loose shorts along with a tank top. He has a wonderful build. Real SEXY! So I cruise several booths watching clips in each. He's always near. So I am.
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