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Despite all the supposedly fabulous men I had dated, I had never really had a boyfriend.Shocking, isn't it?What was the value in having a boyfriend? I could get a quality date whenever I wanted, to do whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted. I could have as little or as much sex as I wanted, and whatever kind I wanted. I could have complete control over any situation.A boyfriend would feel entitled to make demands on my time, on my attention, to have some say in the relationship. What did I need that for when I could get everything I wanted at no cost?Maybe this wasn't love and forever after; maybe it was just infatuation. Perhaps I had just been caught up in the moment. It was a most excellent moment to be sure, but a moment nonetheless.I loved being with Jeff, but I could do that whenever I wanted without having to make any kind of commitment.Well, maybe I couldn't. I would ask him for a specific time and he wasn't always available. That had never happened to me before. Was this the. And your grandparents, naturally. And your brother Richard passed away in an accident two years ago.’ Lori just nodded, feeling a little lump in her chest grow colder with each person counted. No family. A few friends maybe? They’d all be due for retirement by now. But the real pain never arrived. It had already passed. ———- She had grieved, ages ago. She had screamed silently into the cold, dry air, wept tears she didn’t have and drowned herself in the loss of everything she knew. For a long time she had grieved, gone under, gone insane. For a very long, cold time. But also a very long time ago. ———- ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘but it happened way back then, it’s hard to even remember. She wanted to ask the counselor about the Boy with the dark hair. But she didn’t know where to start. ‘It may feel that way, dear. But I’ll have to warn you, the pain might come back to you when you least expect it. It have only really been one long night’s sleep, even if you try to tell yourself otherwise.’.
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