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”“She’s really pretty,” Hailey countered.“Yeah, I guess she is,” Phil answered with a shrug. “She’s not prettier than you if that’s what has you worried.”“You two were best friends for 10 years!” Hailey told him. “You know practically everything about each other.”“Oh, crap,” Phil muttered. “We knew everything about each other when we were 13. We don’t know anything about each other now. That’s why I wanted to talk to her. You know, to see how she’s doing, if she’s in college, that sort of stuff. Look, we could have kept in touch when I moved. I mean, we e-mailed each other a few times once I got to SouthPointe. Then we didn’t. We made new friends and found different interests. We were friends because we lived close to one another and we both played on the same youth soccer team. We both liked to read science fiction. That’s hardly enough to form a lifelong relationship on.”“But you could like the exact same things now, too,” Hailey pointed out as they entered the hotel room where they. "What the fuck was that?" Richard asked, frightened.His answer came down the chimney in a flash and landed on the charred pile of wood that had been burning earlier. It was Santa. Red Coat, white beard, black boots yada yada yada.“You aren’t fucking real,” Richard muttered in absolute disbelief.Jennifer and Richard stood in front of Santa, dumbfounded.“Oh, I’m very real Richie boy. I’m real enough to eat your wife’s fresh baked cookies,” Santa responded taking a bite out of one of Jennifer’s cookies.“These cookies won’t be the only thing I get into tonight that are warm and inviting either,” Santa teased with a hearty chuckle.“What the fuck are you talking about, Santa?” Richard asked, bewildered.“First off Richie, let’s watch the language, pal. It is Christmas after all. Second, I plan to fuck your wife, bud. Only if she’s okay with it of course, but I don’t think that will be a problem since she’s had a crush on me her entire life. Will it, darlin’?’ Santa asked Jennifer.
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