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This was it? After all we went through I was going to get a generic Dear John letter. However, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. No names. That way if I did decide to try and get even, nothing on the letter really proved it was from Beth. In fact did she even write it?I went over to the drawer where Susan had kept sentimental things she had gotten through the years. One of her most prized possessions was a letter that Beth had written Susan about a month before Susan died. It was a touching letter that thanked Susan for being the best big sister a girl could ever have. I opened it and compared the writing. As I thought, Beth had not wrote the note personally, I am guessing so she could deny it in case it ever came up. I guess she had one of the girls in her office write it for her. I took both letters and put them in the same drawer.I arrived at Jennifer’s condo about seven that evening. The last thing I felt like doing that evening was being around a lot of people. That was my life these days – pushing aside the pain of losing my beloved spouse by throwing myself into my work. Every day was the same; it was one foot in front of the other, over and over again. I was going through life on autopilot. Make no mistake about it, I was able to function surprisingly well under those conditions, even going so far as to excel at my job on occasion. I'd actually been named Agent of the Month in October. However, I gained no personal satisfaction from the award; my work was merely a means of avoidance, of suppression.They say the process of acceptance following the death of a loved one passes through several stages. I'd slowly transitioned from crippling depression at the outset to a brief period of bitterness and anger. I found myself asking, over and over, What had been the point of my being rescued from my two-year ordeal in China, only to have Erin snatched away from me right after I got home? What kind of a sick joke was that? In China, my life had.
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