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You try to live up to the standards that your parents expect of you. You hide behind what they want you to be: the real you can only come out behind closed doors. And closed eyes. In the dark, you thrive. In the light of day, you fade away, and your 'normal' self replaces the real you.Johnny shook his head as if he could dislodge this train of thought by doing so. It didn't really matter whether he understood how he had become the way he was. He was what he was, and nothing could change that. He had come to realize that he could find sex with men much easier then he could with women. Men were much more up front about what they wanted and willing to settle for what could be had in the here and now.Johnny was a reasonably intelligent person; he knew that the dream was a side effect of seeing his father in his casket at the funeral yesterday. The radio in his old caravan didn't work, so he had no distractions to keep his mind from dwelling on his dead father, and the relationship they. " What did you edit?" Robert pressed."Oh, a little tweak here, another one there. Mostly I tried things,learned from them and then changed everything right back again. Ilearned a lot about how small changes to reality can produce unexpectedoutcomes." Like what?" I wondered if we might get more out of clean energy if hydrogen had abetter specific impulse, so I tweaked it a bit. Then I peeked out intothe local universe, and discovered that the Germans had overrunEurope." The Nazis! Christ..." No, they weren't Nazis... some other flavour of nationalistic Germans- and it was all over by 1934." So you're a time traveller as well?" Only in the same sense that you are: one day at a time, forwards, andwith an interest in what the history books say. No, I just saw theaftermath. It was a different universe. The cars ran cleaner, and thepolitics of Europe were a good deal different, but it was still thesame old world, more or less. I set things back to our tried-and-trueuniverse, and that was.
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