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"Hmm, that smells delicious."I had resorted to a little bribe in order to get past any annoyancebecause of the call to her at the office. I had learned in school thatsmells have direct access to the brain. I hoped because of this aroma shewould not be able to do anything.And my calculations worked out at least until after our meal. Then sheasked, "So, what do you have? Breast cancer?"I looked at the floor, as though I could find the solution there. Then Ipulled myself together. Maybe the professional term -- Dr. Schneider mademe repeat ten times until I retained it -- would help me here. "I havegynecomastia." Good, then it's nothing serious." You know what that is?" Certainly."I looked at her astonished and flabbergasted."After you called, I investigated the internet at lunch time." You - you cheated!!!"She merely grinned at me. Then she said, "Now you'll experience what it'slike when girls grow breasts." But they won't get large, said the doctor. At any rate it's not likely." And. We pull up at the theater and go to get the tickets and the lady in the window tells me the girls cannot come in unless accompanied by a parent. I tell her, they are both my daughters and wonder what type of flick we are going to be seeing. I mean, I knew it was a slasher, scary movie, but really? The k**s need parents to see it at midnight?!?!?! Suddenly, each of the girls take a hand in both of theirs and say, “Thanks Dad!” and hold it to the flesh of their upper chests and then kiss my hand and I think, “My frigging nightmare has already begun!!” So we buy the obligatory drinks and candy and I find myself eyeing a lot of 18-21 year-old eye candy as well as some Moms who had likewise brought their k**s to the midnight showing. I calculate that the theater is going to be about ¾ full, so I start guiding the girls away from the restrooms and the vending games and toward the release point into the theater so we can get some decent seats. When we go in, I push the girls one extra.
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