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I mean I wasn’t that shit didn’t matter as long as we knew were one another stood with each other I didn’t care.’ ‘If you care that much why are you willing to share me?’ ‘I’m not selfish and I know just as much as I’ve been there so has they and it wouldn’t be fair.’ ‘I have always loved that fact that you were so giving.’ ‘Love me enough to come back home?’ ‘I can’t Mike.’ ‘You can but you won’t.’ ‘Mike don’t do that.’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Make me feel bad about my decision.’ ‘I’m not trying to Mami but just as much as this shit hurts you it hurts me too.’ I laid my head on his chest for a few minutes we stood in silence our arms wrapped around one another. ‘We can go round for round but you leaving again is nowhere in this solution.’ I felt his cell vibrate, he reach into his pocket to retrieve it he looked at it and said…’Ima walk you back to your table I gotta go back down stairs for awhile.’ ‘Okay.’ Once I sat and Mike disappeared Karen said ‘No for real I know I’m being super nosey but. ”“I don’t see how that’s different.”“It is. If you had loved Becky, then it might be different. But you didn’t and you don’t. She had to make a decision, and she probably made the right one. You’ll have plenty of time to have babies that you want to make.”She was sounding more and more like Stephanie, who had told me I’d have kids with Jennifer.“That doesn’t make it easier,” I sighed.“No, but stop blaming yourself. She tricked you, then she decided what to do for her own reasons. You won’t get over it until you stop blaming yourself. And quit being selfish and thinking only of yourself!”She was right. I was blaming myself. I had admitted to myself that Becky might have made the same decision if I was home, but she also might have ruined her life by doing what I wanted. And because I didn’t love Becky, I didn’t care how badly her life turned out if she’d had the baby. I had wanted that baby, I would have loved that baby completely, and she took him, and the love I would have had for.
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