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..“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”This One Is Compliments of Gary:A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. “What is that?” asked the child pointing to the penis. “Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie,” replied the mother. “I want one,” said the child. The mother tried to focus her daughter’s attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted. “I want one just like that,” she kept repeating. At last the mother said, “If you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.” “And if I’m bad?” asked the little one.“Then,” answered the mother, “You will have many.”“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”“Yes. What can I do for you?”“I’m calling to report ‘bout my neighbor Virgil Smith ... He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, the Sheriff’s. I started toward the checkout and stopped. There was only one register open, and Mary Anne Franklin was ringing out a man who had bought a pumpkin and a gallon of milk. Mary Ann was my lab partner in Physics.I left the store with a doughnut and a pint of chocolate milk.I'm sure she didn't see me putting the condoms back, because Mary Ann flirted with me when she checked me out.When I got home Robbie was running the vacuum cleaner. There was obviously a whirl of cleaning going on and I figured she'd be ticked off at me for not being there to help her clean up after the party. Really, though, there hadn't been all that much party. Some food and drink had been consumed, but the cake was uncut."Bobby!" she yelled when she saw me. She turned the vacuum off. "Mom and Dad are coming home tomorrow!" They are?" I could feel my eyebrows going up."Dad called while you were gone. Where were you? Gramps said you went to John's. I told him that was crazy. You didn't, right?"She was talking a mile.
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