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What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want. The fleet security guard looked at me strangely and did more than double check my ID.I smiled at the ensign as she let the officer in the other office know I was there. I knocked and waited and a moment later heard a man call out, "come!"I opened the door and walked into the room and crossed to the desk. The man sitting behind it wore the uniform of an admiral. He sat back as he looked at me and finally gestured to a chair, "have a seat."I sat and he shifted and lifted a comp screen and looked at it, "how did you manage to get your application through the process?"I smiled, "I know you are a busy man. By now you know the name is not exactly real and have started a more through check. I am sure you should be getting a call from imperial security to explain."He looked at me for another minute before nodding, "since you are here can you tell me what you believe is the most important thing or skill a special operation soldier should have?"I glanced at the weapons on the walls, "I believe.
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