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...It hurt deeply but over time I couldn't cope anymore ,I loved him,he didn't love me back,even though when we were together we awesome we connected ,he wasn't aware of it i don't think or maybe he didn't want hat he really couldn't let me get to close.Every now and again I would get a text,inside I knew I should say no,but I couldn't ,he just sent shivers down my spine ,I wanted him I need that touch ,no matter how hard he spanked me ,no matter if he ignored me via msn ,it didn't mattering wanted him and I would just have to wait.Yes I got low ,very low infact ,so low I became Iill .It's hard to describe that pain you feel in the pit of your stomach when you realise you aren't going to be with the one person you want to spend your life with,the many texts you keep on your phone,every good word that he said to you keep going back to on your phone ...you scroll down and find the words which you keep to make you feel special.Then when you are hurting and your looking for a shoulder,he. However, this time it was my fault, I didn't think I hadtalked about that woman's cheap purse on purpose, I didn't think I hadplanned to be humiliated by my aunt even though I fully accepted that Ihad erotic fantasies about that. Somehow that effeminate statement justleft my mouth without me thinking about the consequences. That I wouldaccidentally say something so effeminate shouldn't have surprised mesince I had other stereotypical "girl" or "gay" interests such as a loveof Hollywood gossip.In the next phase of my life things turned really weird. Now I know thatmy aunt and my mother were frequently talking to each other on the phoneso I have no idea if my aunt ever tried to hint to my mother that I wasgay but it seemed like from out of nowhere my mother started implyingthat I was gay. I had gone back to college and I was working on mymaster's degree in English but I still lived at home with my mother. Onenight my mother saw an American Civil War book laying on my bed, it wasabout.
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