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Sonofabitch, it looked like my life was turning into a dirty story. Susan saw me blush and she colored a bit herself. She then smiled ruefully. "Sorry, David. The whole thing sounds so surreal, sorry about the dirty story remark. Look, you haven't eaten, let's go grab a bite somewhere and talk." She gathered herself together, grabbed my arm and almost forced me out of the apartment. I felt exhausted and didn't put up much of a struggle.We sat, shared and demolished a large lasagna along with a loaf of warm garlic bread. I didn't realize how hungry I was - I wolfed down a huge portion of the meal. Susan sat and gazed at me, a look of sympathy on her face. "What are you going to do, David? You're in the middle of a huge mess; you have to make some decisions about what you're going to do."I shook my head. "Not now, Susan. I'm too screwed up. Lyle is pressing the DA to charge Fallow for rape and I think that he'll be picked up tomorrow. Rape, what a crock. You should have seen her, it was. I had to settle for the friendship because he was too afraid to leave his nasty partner. I would have taken better care of him. He would still be alive today if the very first time when I was 21 we met at Carols Speakeasy. I was homeless then. I wanted the gay world but had to be so careful then. It was so in style to turn a closeted guy in then and nobody cared why he was that way. I needed responsible men but the 1980s everyone thought being a slut was such a good thing IT WASN'T Most of them are dead now. Men I would considder family I spent Thanksgiving with. I used to save Christmas cards and obits I would staple them together. I would put them up as if I got them that year. It was my way of keeping my sanity. Now I'm so lonesome... after several moves from different states I nolonger have them but the memories are still there. Still I wish someone wanted to build a life. Now I may have one decade or two my folks died just before 80. I'm HIV+ and the last survivor of my beloved.
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