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I struggled vainly to get my mind back into the book, but once she turned it on, her body swaying back and forth in front of me, it was a lost cause. Within moments, I once again had an alert crewman on duty and coming to attention. I sighed, put the book down, took a drink of my beer and decided, what the hell, I’ll just watch the show. Of course I’d tried this before, hoping it would make her uncomfortable enough to go put something on. It seemed to encourage her instead. She smiled at me and kept going about her business. But since I couldn’t read anyway, why not? Forgetting about how bothersome it was, I could sit back and just appreciate her. In the final analysis, she was simply a thing of beauty. With her clothes on, she didn’t seem terribly remarkable, but that was because she wore frumpy clothes and rarely wore make-up. It kept her from standing out. I figured this out once I saw her on the job, where she painted herself up just like any other girl on staff and transformed. Listen to the experts! The same goes with exercise. Don’t do it. Don’t put yourself through the excruciating process that’s enrolling, that sense of being made to feel six inches tall when you have your induction with Miss Fitness or Mr Muscles, don’t suffer the agony of trying to make yourself fitter for someone close to you who’s obviously out of your league (Shamus had his eye on a young lady with grey pants and a sweaty bum – the amount of times he fell off that treadmill…) but further more, don’t do it to us! Shamus, fool that he is joined the local gym and put us through more agonies in 6 months than we’d suffered in the previous 16 years! Why? Hadn’t we been good to him? We introduced him to tuneful farts and Silent But Deadlies, we embraced his first curry, his first kebab, his first pint, and what does he do to thank us? Try to kill us! Our revenge was sweet. During his time at the Gym, Shamus was a big fan of the weights – we weren’t. So, after suffering one lift too many,.
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