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But Jen wouldn't let it go. For the next two years I could count on her bringing it up at least once a month."When are we going to do it honey?" Do what?" Have our double date."Or she would say something like, "You know I love it in my ass so how do you know you won't?" When we were out she would point at a man and say, "I could do him. He has rugged good looks and he might be good in bed." Sometimes it was "How about him. He looks like you might enjoy him." What was worse was what I could now see in Jens's eyes. She wanted other cocks now that I had brought up the subject, but she wouldn't do it unless I did.Finally I got up enough nerve to bring up the subject again. I told her that I knew she wanted to and that she knew it was all right with me so why didn't she just go ahead and do it? She gave me a little smile:"It's called leverage honey. I need something that I can hold over you."I started to say something but she held up a hand and said, "Listen to what I have to say and then. She thought that if Dave had cheated on her for any reason, she would hear him out before making a decision. He had given her no chance to explain, or even try. She could have understood if he had not been able to believe her story, but he had not even given her the chance. Was this all she had left to look forward to, mindless fucks with both friends and strangers, eking out an existence without meaning? She knew she could not live her life this way. She made a decision. She wrote Dave a note. ‘Dave, I can’t live my life this way. There is no hope. I will spend the rest of my life having to seek out nameless men for random sex to stay alive. That is not living, it is existing as an animal. I wish I had not recovered my memories. Then I could still be living the blissfully ignorant life of a hooker, unaware of what I was missing and what I have lost forever. Please do not try to find me. I’m going back to the streets in the hope that I will die there, soon. I can’t bring myself to.
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