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”“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”“Yes. What can I do for you?”“I’m calling to report ‘bout my neighbor Virgil Smith ... He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd ... Did the Sheriff come?”“Yeah!”“Did they chop your firewood?”“Yep!”“Happy Birthday, buddy!”Whoever said that rednecks weren’t sentimental?This compliments of the ‘Shy One’For all men and women that remember the past, ... how different we are.A wife was curious when she found an old negative in a drawer and had it made into a print.She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer. It seemed silly for me to go in the bathroom to make sure they peed before bed. I couldn’t believe a few girls didn’t even try to pat dry. I had to hand them a wad of toilet paper for them to do it.“I know that you are a boy, but I would die if anyone else found out,” a girl said, whispering to me. “I’ve rarely had access to any toilet paper, and that I used to clean my butt so it wouldn’t mess up my panties. Can you show me what to do?”When I helped her pat dry, I found that she had dried poop on her butt again.You are going to get the rest of that out of you right now.I had her brain decide it was time to purge her intestines of everything she ate before dinner, in a hurry. The girl’s eyes went wide when she let out a long, loud, smelly fart.“I don’t think I need to help you do anything with that. I will come back in a little while to check on you. Anyone that needs to go while you are here can use a different bathroom. The other three are already asleep anyway,” I told the.
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