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No matter how much he told himself that he was worthless, how his lifewould be nothing but utter misery until the end of his days, his fingerrefused to obey. He curled into fetal position in the Toyota's passengerseat, with the gun barrel still in his mouth until the sun rose in themorning.He still could not do it.Finally, he resigned himself to the fact that he could not bring himselfto end it all. He hated himself even more.Then another thought occurred to him. "If I am willing to throw away mylife as a man, why not accept womanhood?"The very next day, Jason had made an appointment at the student healthservice for psychiatric counseling. Today, Kelly was very glad that thedespondent young man she had once been had not been able to pull thetrigger.* * *Tears rolled down Kelly's face in uncontrolled torrents as she recalledher past. Spasms wracked her chest as she tried to suppress the sobs shehad never been able to let out for Jason's terrible life.The next thing Kelly knew, a firm. I got dressed and kissed her goodbye and was off to work.I was wondering if I would ever see Renee again. A little after lunch, I got my answer. My phone chimed.RENEE: Can I come over when you get off work?I thought for a moment. Why not? I had no obligation to Amanda and if anything, I owed Renee an audience.ME: Sure.I drove home with a mix of eagerness and dread. I had no idea what to expect.When I arrived home, Renee was sitting in her car outside. When I got out of my car, she exited hers and hurriedly followed me inside. She locked the door behind her as I headed up the stairs. “I’m sorry about last night.” I said. “I hadn’t heard from you and I didn’t know you were coming over. Why did you lock the door just now?” I asked.“Because I don’t want Amanda coming in while I’m here.” She replied. She was trying to act cool, but there was a hint of bitterness in her tone.“She won’t.” I said. “I told her you were coming over.”“So, she knows all about us and all the stuff.
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