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’ She said handing her a gift with the name Thomas wrote on the gift tag. Mandy smiled up at her with a huge smile showing her two front teeth that were missing. Her red curly hair glistened under the lights, although her white dress was dingy that she wore with torn dirty sneakers. Her big brown eyes wailed up with tears. ‘Miss. Bells thank-you.’ she said hugging her teacher tightly around her neck noticing her long brown hair smelled of candy canes. ‘Go join the party Mandy.’ she told the child while patting her on the back. Mandy actually laughed and played that day in her class room and the other children did not make fun of her clothes that she had to wear to school, sometimes not washed because her parent hung over from the night before, that is if they even came home. Mandy opened her gift from one of the students who had her name and began to cry when she saw the beautiful porcelain doll with blonde hair all dressed in a red velvet dress trimmed in white fur. She held her. I-I spent many nightsawake pondering what would be the wise choice my father would have madein my stead. I sat in the chair behind the desk of his study feelingthat all the hundreds of leather bound volumes of the collected wisdomof mankind on the shelves were mocking me that I could not produce aremedy for the situation of the estate. I was sure that I must not havethought of something. I must not be working hard enough to protect theestate and all the people on it. As I turned 15 years old, I had lost 10pounds from my already slender frame and went about with dark circlesunder my eyes as well as a persistent cough. It got so bad that mymother had a doctor examine me."After quite a bit of uncomfortable poking, prodding and measuring, hetold me I was killing myself. Quelle Surprise. But I couldn't stop. Iwas being killed by my own will and my own concern. It seems so stupid,to be killing oneself in that way. But I could not stop myself. Icouldn't. The terrible stress only eased when.
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