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I could once again feel Megan longing for further contact between us, but I could also feel her nervousness. I broke the kiss and held her tight as I began talking to her."Megan, does it really make sense to deny yourself your life's dream just because you might lose it later? Is there ever a guarantee in life that we will keep what we have? Either of us could die tomorrow and would it make us feel better that we didn't enjoy the time we had together. I'm not sure what you are afraid of." I smiled at her, encouraging her to talk to me. She did."What if the cycles started due to some problem again? What if I wasn't with you again, due to the requirements of the cycles? I don't think I could take that." Her eyes were misty as she talked to me."That's possible. But what if the cycles started again when we didn't get together and you didn't have me? Is that better? You're not married to me now. But you have all the memories of when you had before. You can't get away from those. You. I worried all the next weekend, so much so that I got sick time after time. I meticulously went through family, friends, teachers, councilors—every possibility, but think about it; who in the world could I lay this on except the terrifying guy that did it to me.By Monday morning near panic had driven me to desperation. I made my decision. I would go back to the Mallmart house of horrors and seek him out. I dressed as conservatively as possible, an older summer dress and light sweater.I bit my lip hard, and drove the five miles back to the Mallmart. Each mile my tension increased. This was so humiliating. I had not been near Mallmart since the day I shoplifted and got screwed. Now I was forced to come back. All the security guys knew what I had done and they would really be quite entertained by my returning today. It was so obvious I was pregnant.As I walked toward the entry ways I could see two black guys in the blue security shirts standing just inside the entry doors. My knees were.
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