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'I wish I had died in theaccident' I thought myself. If I had died I would not have to make suchan important decision. Both choices were negative. If I accepted to be agirl, I would be someone that I did not want to be. I would end up likea creature in between a man and woman who would be humiliated byeverybody. Omg, that was horrible. In addition to all this, I would losemy past. Though I did not have much close friends back at home, I hadgreat memories there. The people in the neighborhood were going to learnthat I was death in the accident, and I would not be able to have timewith them anymore. All my past would be lost if I started life with anew identity. On the other hand, being a man without sex organs wasequally negative. Though nobody would know it except for my family, myfather's or mother's merciful looks would make me die every day. Yes,they would feel pity for me every day. When I would get older, I wouldbe all lonely....These kind of thoughts were revolving in my mind. She liked being a certain way but knew they weren't just fantasies in her head. After much internal struggling and conflict, she came to the conclusion that she needed to get professional help. She had been cross dressing for years in secret and wanted to go further, but was too afraid. She also had desired to sleep with a man. She booked an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialised in sexual problems.“Tell me your story, Carrie.”“Well... where shall I start?”“The beginning.”“Okay, so I started to cross dress when I was a teenager, though it was just underwear and not that often. As I got older it became easier to dress more frequently. After my divorce, I had the chance to dress every week. I got makeup, shaved my body, got high heels, jewellery, wigs, perfume. I used to put a mirror next to me and sit looking at myself for hours.”“And what about sex. Did you ever think about having sex with a guy with yourself as the girl, or are you straight?”“Well, I was about to tell you.
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