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It's in my brain yelling loudly. It's a sin an the eyes of God. Don't do it. Maybe that's the reason I can't be the kind of woman Eddie wants me to be. I even try to stop him from touching me there. But, Lord, how I've desired him to do it anyway.Even in the privacy of her own bathroom, she felt the flush spreading in her cheeks as the thought of the pleasure she had received, on those few times, when Eddie had stroked her clitoris to hard erectness, bringing her a feeling of indecent shame.Alyce was trying desperately to rationalize her conditioning. Life in Salt Lake City with her strict Mormon upbringing gave the young woman little chance to think for herself. The strict religious community of which her family played a leading role gave her little chance to do anything without the watchdog eyes of everyone upon her. Always present and in the forefront was the consideration of what other people thought... about what you did, or didn't do. Her church life had been her entire life. I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment. Since I couldn’t even take a look at myself in the mirror for what I’d done, I definitely couldn’t handle being confronted about it. My vision got blurry as I felt my eyes welled with tears. This would be the beginning of an even greater humiliation. He would let everybody know about my act of perversion. How I trespassed on his private property in order to satisfy my sexual needs. Masturbating at the sight of an old naked man. Not only would I have to face my own sick mind, I also would have to face being judged for it. What was I going to do? There was no way out. I had to beg him. Beg him that he kept quiet about it. “Speak up!” he said, where after he released my neck and gave me a forceful slap in the face. “I-I’m s-sorry,” I cried. “Please don’t tell anyone!”Like a little boy I wept while keeping my head down. It was too hard to look him straight in the eyes. Never in my life had I felt so ashamed. When all of the sudden I felt a.
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