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The preliminaries over, we drank a champagne toast to our school-leaving kids then settled at the table. The atmosphere was warm and friendly, becoming even friendlier as the wine to accompany the starters was passed round. My new neighbour politely filled my glass but after fifteen minutes’ chat it soon became apparent that he and I had little in common and that he intended to devote the majority of his efforts that evening to the attempted seduction of the mousy-haired woman on his other side.I silently and ironically wished him luck. I knew her slightly; a recent and damaged divorcee. I also knew from the gossip that despite expressing a low opinion of men to anyone who would listen, she wasn’t entirely unreceptive to their charms and was believed to have woken up in the wrong bed on more than one occasion.I planned to watch the attempted seduction with amusement, not knowing that the girl in greatest danger that night was me.Whatever else he might be, in company Neil is a real. Getting back to his flat was fine, although I was a bit wary of where I'd parked. He said it was fine, that nobody'd touch it as I was with him. It wasn't the nicest group of houses and flats, but I have to say that I'd been in worse. As soon as he unlocked the front door I could smell … well, I guess that the only way to sum it up was 'man'. Sweat, old clothes, deodorant, a bit of damp. A strange combination, but despite the initial nostril pinch, it wasn't too bad. About thirty seconds after we got in the door, and just as I popped the tab on fridge-cold can of Carling that he offered me, there was a knock. “Gaz? It's me and Ricky.” Gary chuckled. “You'll like Mikey and Rick. If they take the piss, just take the piss back, right?” I shrugged. “Right.” He went out into the hall and I heard the door open. I thought I heard a deep voice say something like “Is he here?” before it was shushed. Yep. He's here, and not deaf. I put my hand on my knee to stop my leg jiggling up and down..
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