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I cannot seem to stop myself from looking at all his mementos either. My mind is swimming with all the times we shared and how much fun we had. I still cannot understand why I was not good enough. I keep playing back through to see what it was that I did wrong and I could have given him more faith in me and in us. In his most recent letter, he conveys to still care for me and wishes to remain, friends, as we had originally intended. As tempting as this offer is, I cannot seem to fight off the desire for something more. In addition to this hopeless love that I feel, I find myself seething with anger at the fact that not once yet has he said anything to the effect of "I love you" or "I still love you." When it seemed to be no problem for him to express it in secret before. Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing. "But..." No buts about it. That price is much too low. I would have expected to pay that for the De la Lande alone, never mind the other treasures."Now it was the bookseller's turn to almost fall off his chair — just as well his feet did reach the floor, barely."You are mad; it's you who is acting ridiculous. Forty years I have this shop. Forty years and I have never heard of reverse haggling at an antiquarian bookstore. Please, you must have some more tea, more Balzams and think again."But I was adamant. I would not take advantage of him, just because he was taken in by the cosiness of the situation. He got very cross and poured himself another cup. Not much tea left, so lots of Balzams went into it."You are a fool indeed. But since you insist, just pay me what you want. Then I must ask you to leave my shop. I have to lay down to give my heart a chance to rest."I paid him 600 $, and still felt bad about the transaction. He hefted the bundle without counting and asked me quietly..
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