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He squirted some of the sunscreen into his hand and gave it back to me to continue my topcoat as he began to spread it on his chest and shoulders. His arms and legs were quite brown already, a visible legacy of shorts and short sleeve shirts, and probably didn’t need any, and the rest of him was not totally pale, but also not ready for the midday sun at this latitude.The only place he appeared noticeably white was the small area that a Speedo-style suit covers, where, out of the corner of my eye, I was very aware of the limp length of his manhood flopping back and forth with the vigorous motions of his arms and body as he rubbed in the lotion. It was very impressive, but also very distracting, and I wasn’t making a lot of headway on my lotioning efforts as a result.I was still mostly sideways to him, so he wasn’t looking right up the alley of my thighs even though my knees were pulled up and my feet were about eighteen inches apart. Looking down on me from above and to the side, he. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”“Uh, I am just calling to tell you, Señor Ralph, that your parrot died.”“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?”“Yes, Señor, that’s the one.”“Damn! That’s a pity. I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”“From eating rotten meat, Señor Ralph.”“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”“Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”“Dead horse? What dead horse?”“The thoroughbred, Señor Ralph.”“My prize thoroughbred is dead?”“Yes, Señor Ralph, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.”“Are you insane? What water cart?”“The one we used to put out the fire, Señor.”“My God! What fire are you talking about?”“The one at your house, Señor. A candle fell and the curtains caught fire.”“What the hell... ? Are you telling me that my $5m mansion is destroyed because of a candle?”“Yes, Señor Ralph.”“But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?”“For the funeral, Señor.
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