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When she came back out, I was sitting in the living room reading. I still needed to work on school. Suz plopped down on the couch next to me and turned on the TV. “Will this bother you?” She asked. “Nah.” I said. “I’ll just study in my room.” Several hours later, Suz knocked on my door. “It’s open.” I called out. She opened the door and stepped in. “Not disturbing you, am I.” “Nope.” I said, looking at the clock. “Time for lunch anyway.” A huge grin spread across Susan’s face. “What’s so funny, girl?” I said. “I made lunch.” She beamed. “I was just coming to get you.” She’d made a nice lunch for us. I was impressed. She’d always said she was a terror in the kitchen. We ate and chatted, mindlessly passing the time. Afterwards, we retired to the couch. It was a sunny day, and the couch was setting firmly in a sunbeam, making me sleepy. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I know, I’m laying on the couch, under a blanket, and Susan is snuggled up next to me, snoring softly.. In addition to this hopeless love that I feel, I find myself seething with anger at the fact that not once yet has he said anything to the effect of "I love you" or "I still love you." When it seemed to be no problem for him to express it in secret before. Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen in the first place. I feel so foolish for having allowed myself to be caught up in a tangled web that only turned out to be full of lies and unrealistic dreams and expectations. As hard has it is to explain and in spite of all the hurt he has caused, I still believe that he is the person I am meant to be with in this life. It is not every day that you find someone who makes you feel the way he has made me feel and as pathetic as it is to admit, I don't want to let him go. So, with that, I have decided to.
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