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’ He handed me a phone, gave us all the hint of a bow, and backed out of the room. ‘Hi, Dad,’ I said into the phone. ‘What’s up?’ ‘Merry almost-Christmas, son,’ my Dad replied. ‘Your Mom and I just wanted to talk to you. Lawrence and Suzette were here earlier and brought the clothes they measured us for last night. I’ve gotta tell you, son, your Mom looks so good in her new outfit, I think I’ll keep her!’ I could hear my Mom laughing in the background, then I could tell they were wrestling for the phone. ‘Seth, it’s Mom. Your father is as insufferable as always. I certainly hope he can behave himself tomorrow. Seriously, though, I like the way I look in this dress. And the accessories! That Suzette certainly knows how to pick clothing. And Lawrence managed to make your Dad look even more handsome than he was the day he proposed to me, and that’s saying a lot. Is Dr. Hawthorne anywhere nearby? I’d like to talk to her.’ ‘Sure, Mom, she’s sitting right here next to me. We’re watching. What's he going to do, haul them around with him? That makes as much sense as hauling them around with me." Her ex, Malcolm, is a nice guy, but he's no Milquetoast. I predicted their divorce from the moment they got engaged; heck, I predicted they wouldn't survive as a couple until the wedding. They lasted long enough to produce two beautiful daughters with long brunette hair, and then split, their union a testament to their ability to absorb the mental punishment they inflicted on each other. When it came to marriage they had the stamina of a pair of M1 Abrams tanks, but even the M1 runs out of gas after so long. They were still friends, but they were also perfectly aware there was no possible way they could live as a couple any longer."So you see," she said, pleading with her eyes, "it HAS to be you. You're on vacation the next two weeks, you're off camping as you told us, you are my last resort."I hesitated long and hard."Please?"I took a breath. This was not going to be an easy.
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