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I could hear Jan and Sue talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying. One of them must have said something very funny because they both burst in to laughter. I headed downstairs and when I entered the kitchen the two of them started giggling again. I asked them what was so funny and Jan said "Just girl talk."Jan poured us each a cup of coffee and we went into the family room with it. Jan and Sue sat next to each other on the sofa and I sat in the lounge chair across the room from them. I was just taking a sip of my coffee when Jan said, "Sue likes your idea of doing a taste test."I almost choked on my coffee. I said, "What did you say?"Jan answered, "I told Sue about how you want to have a taste test to see if you could taste a difference between us and she thought that it was a good idea or at least a fun idea."By this time Sue was laughing almost hysterically. I said, "You really like the idea or do you just think it's funny?"Sue managed to stop laughing long enough to say,. The onlyway to have people open to you is to open to them.The only way to have intimacy in your life is to beintimate.These are simple lessons, but until I went all theway, pushed the pendulum all the way out and found myown center I couldn?t possibly act in a loving, openand intimate way. My pleasure is very much in givingpleasure, but until I could receive pleasure, be inmy own love, my own Eros, there is no way I could bein the love of others.You ask what I fear. I fear that I will crust up andstart living from fear again, like thosecrossdressers I see. I fear that my heart will bebroken one too many times and I will close it off,and that will close me off from the love in theworld. I have to be smart, sure, but not at the costof losing the feminine power it was so hard for me tofind.I?m a woman, I?m a goddess, and that means thatacting from the girl god space is the only way I canhonor my creator. I can?t get all tough and distantor I lose connection with my most important thing,.
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