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. Medicare pays $43 of it.This one is compliments of JerryYou Know You Are In A Redneck Church If... ... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. ... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory. ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. ... the collection plates are hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. ... instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call. ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. ... the communion wine is Boone's. .." Swept together in the tides of time," I said.Her eyebrow raised. "Oh, they told me you were literate." Vocabulary. Opposable thumbs, the whole schmeer, " I tossed back."You ought to come to our open house next month. They used to call it the Christmas pageant, but the administration's getting kind of politically correct. With a little pre-warning, I'm sure you'd be a minor topic of interest." We don't want to be a topic of interest," I countered. "I guess it goes with the territory, though." I can just imagine," she said. "Still, she's more than a sterling scholar and unlike a couple dozen others, she's not pregnant. Hard to say anything bad." I hope not. I adore her." Adore who?" a familiar voice spoke behind me.I turned and saw a high school student. She was dressed a bit more conservatively than a lot I'd seen, but I found her utterly adorable. "Oh, just some random high school girl. One in a billion. Hi, sweetie!" Hi yourself, Tim. Are you bothering the staff?" Nope, just.
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