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His mind didn't feel old at all! Nevertheless, his goddamned body was all worn out. ("Oh death, where's thy sting?") See? He remembered that from close to sixty years ago when he and Clara went to see that Shakespeare production!The old man sat in the porch swing trying, willing his stubborn vocal cords to miraculously start to work again. Inarticulate and incoherent sounds rumbled from his throat as his dead tongue wallowed around in his mouth and drool ran out of the corners of his mouth. Ah! Ah! Ah! Shnii..." He couldn't even saw "aw shit."Tears of frustration formed again in his eyes and he looked across the road that ran in front of the large white farmhouse at the fields he had acquired just before the stroke. He had been going to do such great things with that last three hundred acres he bought. But now ... He groaned and sat and watched the sun set and felt the chill air on his face and chest. Oh to be a man again, a whole man. He sat and waited to be put to bed..."Jesus. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes”.The two veterans then look over at the guy in the middle and see... 12 streams!“War wound??” “Nah my zipper’s stuck”A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt” the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers “Would you be willing to give up a quarter of your sex life to sink the putt?”Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says “Sounds good to me” and promptly sinks the putt!Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again “Gosh, I wish I could get an eagle on this one”.The same stranger is suddenly at his side again and whispers “Would it be worth giving up another quarter of your sex life to make an eagle?”Shrugging, the golfer replies “Okay” and, amazingly, he makes the eagle.On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win..
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