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I just want to do something about my feelings, and I don't... I don't want to just look at books and look at movies and read plays. I want to do them. I want to make them real, I want to make them into something I can... touch and see, hear and taste."I hugged her. "I don't want to just think about going back home, I want to go back home and do something. I don't want to look at New York and think about New York, I want to do New York. I don't want to think about being here, I want to be here. I don't want..." I paused, hearing myself go in all directions, and I took a breath and slowed down. I said with difficulty, "I don't want later, I want now. It won't do any good later. Sometimes... sometimes I think I've never done anything I wanted, and I want to do it all at once, everything at once. And I end up not doing anything."I had to stop myself. I was on the verge of telling her I wanted her, Martha, and Martha Jane, now, always, and I wanted to be older now and successful now and. .. I loved to look sexy, but I didn't feel gay at all. In high school I met a boy some years older than me. He was a great friend, we used to go to his house to play videogames since I didn't have a console. One day he started dating a girl, and we started to talk about porn and sex (I was virgin, so I was really interested in that topic). We eventually ended watching some porn. I had some magazines, but no videos, so it was awesome to go to his house, play for a while with the console and then watch some porn films. We jerk off several times before he proposed to jerk off each other, he told me his girlfriend kissed him a lot, but she refused to touch him because she was very shy, so he wanted to feel somebody touching him... I didn't like the idea. His cock was way bigger than mine (I've been always aware of the small size of my cock), not too long, but definitely thick. I didn't want him to touch my small cock, but I had and increasing curiosity about his cock. We started to touch.
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